some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i think im in europe. pls send help
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