I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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