Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
