I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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