His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
