He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Come see our sink grown plant.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
