I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
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Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
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We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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