It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
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Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
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I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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