in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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