a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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