i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
