So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
