When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
