I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
