Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
