yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
