Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
