He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
