I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is wine microwaveable?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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