Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You dont lie about slip and slides
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
