just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
They have beer where we have blood.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
