just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
