Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
