A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
