i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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