Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
