His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
