I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize