Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
