you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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