just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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