i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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