I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
