get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am spending my child support on dildos
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
