Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
