I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
