Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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