Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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