I must be too annoying 4 u.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
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The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
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Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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