dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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