Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
