He kissed a someone with a penis
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
