nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
