hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
