and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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