I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Oh god it's open bar.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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