smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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