wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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