Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
