sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
