jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
