This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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