How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
