when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize