dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
