Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
