I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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