there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
