I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
