do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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