we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
as a side note pls kill me
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
