I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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