So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
