sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
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They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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