I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
