Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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