What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
