How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
