I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Randomize
