Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
