He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
