so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
