I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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