I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
