hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
