Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
