I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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