I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
