oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
