Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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