Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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