We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
God I need to hump something, right now.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
