I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
