oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
